SOMBER SOLILOQUY -- Devotional for October 29, from "Good Seeds"

Inspired by doubters around me, I think, “Soul, where is this God of yours?” I roll the question over and over in my mind, emptying out the pockets of my life. Wasn’t I always at the head of the worshiping crowd, right out in front, leading them all, shouting praises, singing thanksgiving, celebrating God? What happened? Why am I now so down in the dumps, crying the blues? I must once again fix my eyes on God. Surely I will be praising Him again – so maybe I’ll just start now! See, He’s put a smile on my face. Thank You, Lord – You are my God! (Psalm 42:3-5)

“To be, or not to be – that is the question.” The Psalmist and Hamlet are brothers when it comes to dismal self-talk. Moods can so quickly overshadow us: one moment we are exalting our God, exulting in life, with heart assurance that nothing can stop us now, when in walks an enemy – or a friend (either is just as capable of the deed) – and the slightest, most innocent suggestion of doubt from him does us in. One day while feeling rather ambivalent about an important decision looming before me two emails arrived, one after the other, from two dear friends. The first gave such words of encouragement I just knew I could fly! The second, commenting on the same subject, from one every bit as wise and dear, put such a damper on the project that I was ready to dismiss it as suitable for another man of another time, but not for me. When we allow ourselves to be influenced to such a degree by those around us, no wonder we lose touch with the still small voice within us. Without that voice, all we have left is our own, saying, “What was that all about? What was I thinking? I’ve got to get back to reality!” But what kind of reality is it that has no room for God, no time God, no sight of God? How could this doubter I seem to have become ever have thought I could lead others to the throne of God? As I “empty out the pockets of my life” I find little more than loose change and old ticket stubs, reminders of former good times, with no promise of future happiness. See, I’m doing it again! How quickly we who are experts at cheering others up fall into our own far more exotic doldrums of despondency, with far greater resistance to the kind of encouragement our clients have received from us! No counselor can reason me into cheerfulness; no soul physician can reach in and pull me out of myself; no heart friend can sit quietly by and with his assuring presence rescue me from this secret soul suicide. When in such depths, nothing can be done by even the best that human help can afford. So, what do I do? I turn my eyes upon Jesus; I look full in His wonderful face – and those things of earth that have done me in grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace!