LEVEL ONE CONFLICTS -- Devotional for September 26, from "Good Seeds"

Love is not irritable or touchy; it keeps no record of being wronged, and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. (1 Corinthians 13:5-6)

Experts in conflict management have identified five levels of contention: Irritation, Disagreement, Aggravation, Exasperation, and Desperation. These are progressively more serious, requiring progressively more complicated means of resolution. Level One, Irritation, happens when a purely accidental incident occurs – maybe someone bumps into you inadvertently, or says something a bit awkward or off-the-wall. What should be said or done in such cases? Well, of course we say, “Excuse me,” or “Whoops!” but then we forget it and move on, right? Such minor irritations happen every day, many times a day – and we are just as often the perpetrators as we are the recipients of these annoying trivialities. It takes only an average amount of thick skin and self-discipline to pass them off without another thought. With just a normal dose of magnanimity we can brush off such incidents, give quick forgiveness and continue to assume the best about the other person, sure he meant nothing mean or malicious by it. But then, how is it that even the most mature believers are so quick to be offended at such slights and bumps in the road between them and their friends or loved ones? A husband makes a hasty, maybe even slightly unthinking, comment to his wife. “What did you mean by that?” she accuses. “I didn’t mean anything by that!” he fires back – and the fireworks begin. This quote from classic author, George Eliot (she wasn’t a Christian, and yet spoke so clearly Christianly here in this interpretation of the biblical solution):

O the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a
person: having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but
pouring all out just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that
a faithful, friendly hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth
keeping, and with a breath of understanding, blow the rest away.

What a beautifully poetic and practical expression of this definition of agape love found in I Corinthians 13:5-6: “Real love hardly even notices it when others do it wrong.” But so often just the opposite is the case: Although we can quickly forgive strangers when an irritation occurs, when it happens between loved ones, questions pop up. (And of course, maybe we DID mean something by it!) This is where another command comes into play: “I say to you that every careless word you utter you will give account for in the day of judgment, for by your words you shall be justified – and by your words you shall be condemned” (Matt. 12:36). A balance is called for here: Remember that the mouth is the mouthpiece of the heart, but also remember what love does when others’ words offend.